Choosing annoyance is essentially choosing love. Closeness in intimate relationships can be annoying, because it requires surrendering control and constant exposure to another’s perceived quirks. And yet, this annoyance is intrinsic to genuine intimacy rather than a sign of relationship failure. In the test of boredom or annoyance, one either maintains distance to preserve the peace and avoid these quirks, or accepts psychic entanglement and constant exposure to them.
Ava on annoyance, romance and boredom:
The bored and annoyed test is actually a question about closeness: would you rather be far enough away from someone to feel peace, or would you like to have your psyche entwined with theirs, with the downside of constantly being exposed to all their flaws? I remember talking to Daria about this guy I was seeing, saying that the circumstances of his life seemed overwhelmingly complicated to me. And she said, well, people with complicated internal lives often have complicated external lives. Seen that way, feeling annoyed is a gift from god.
Romance is annoying. It exposes our vulnerabilities, our worst qualities, the patterns we like to pretend we’ve outgrown. Romance teaches you that what you claim to value is not what you actually value.